Upon reading "Blue Like Jazz"

I've just finished reading Donald "Don" Miller's book, Blue Like Jazz. On the cover, it says "Nonreligious thoughts about Christian spirituality," which intrigued me. My friends had all recommended it to me (as well as any other Christian I've spoken to...well most of them.), so I took my Christmas money and bought it.

This book reflects my own "journey" and some of the doubts I've been having. Can I still be "indie"...ish, and still be a Christian? of course. Is loneliness normal? no, it comes from sin. This leads me to a realization which this blog post is about today:

Loneliness.

If you've paid attention to this blog, or know me in general, I've been a bit of a recluse this past semester. (a recluse is someone who shuts his or herself in their room a lot, somebody asked, so I put the definition) Every day I came home from class/other responsibilities, and was just exhausted. What also exhausted me was being around people. I avoided other people, even ignored them, because I thought (as Don Miller put it) "the play was about me." That I was the lead role, and all other people were the supporting actors/actresses. Unimportant. Not Useful to my character development. This is so not true. It's not healthy to be alone so much. I've started chattering to myself a lot, seeing things, imagining things that seem real. Don Miller, having gone through a similar stage, even saw Emily Dickinson when he visited her home. Like actually saw her, though he was going a bit crazy at the time, like I am. I've been craving social interaction. I need to be around other people. I laugh more, am happier, and can grow in my walk with the Lord through others. I'm kind of in a transition phase right now, which was put on pause due to my crazy semester (I changed Bible Studies, am changing campus ministry groups...), but I want no need to get back on track with my social life. It's been getting sad. I've spent my whole winter vacation at my house. I mean C'MON! heh.

So yeah, this post wasn't about anything in general, I guess. Just a realization of how important a social life is. I'm tired of being a recluse.

I've also been trying to lose weight, like for serious. Pray for me?

Happy Holidays!

Since most of you should know my leanings this holiday season...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
HYVÄÄ JOULUA!
FROHE WEINACHTEN!
圣诞快乐！(sheng dan kuai le)

I'm exhausted from making 3 different kinds of casseroles (lanttu/rutabaga, peruna/potato, ja/and porkkana/carrot), and liking rutabaga/"lanttu" casserole for the first time in my 20 years, baking a "lihapiirakka" (I guess you could call it a meat pasty, or a meat pie. But meat pies remind me of Sweeny Todd...), we made a "mystery pie" since we couldn't make Christmas tortes, so we added apples to the crust... baked rolls and Christmas cookies (I also made some for our dogs and for the dogs of our family friends)...ate so much food! Didn't get too much in the way of presents, not that I was expecting anything. I asked for a new coffee maker, which I got, and a new lens for my camera (a 50mm lens if you're wondering, supposedly good for portraits). I also got a $50 Visa gift card and a schnauzer puppy calendar from a family friend.

Seeing as my Christmas celebrations are done (we're Christmas Eve folks, as is tradition in Finland), I'll be wishing you all the best for this holiday season and for the coming new year!

Another year winds down...

I was thinking today, that it's December 21st, that means the year is almost over. How quickly it went by! I swear, time goes by so much faster as you get older!

What a year it's been! I spent 5 months in China (of all places), had a blast, went to Finland, got joint issues (98% resolved now), started back at UW, had possibly the best semester of my college career grades-wise (I got an A in Chinese, woo!), dealt with some crap with myself and others, and...yeah. CRAZINESS. It's been a good year, I think. I've grown up a lot, and have gotten a lot more stable on my own two feet. That's not to say that there aren't still issues to work out, there'll always be issues, but I feel like they're not the end of the world. I can still function well with them (or without..).

As for this next year, I have some ideas about "resolutions." Well, I don't really like resolutions, because I never keep them. However, these are more like next semester things that could be more long term:

A.) Catch up with my friends i.e. be more social. This past semester I was a bit of a recluse now that I got my own room at school, but I realized that I miss people. I miss being around them, laughing with them, having fun with them. I miss that, I do.

B.) Keep up the good work at school Because at the moment, with two classes with grades submitted, I have a 3.3 semester gpa (which is the best that I've had since high school), but that could change depending on my other classes as they appear. (O Chem lab, and my English class have yet to submit scores...). I have a large load on my plate next semester, with the most credits I've ever had, but with light days in between...which leads to the next one:

C.) *Possibly* Start a TCK/CCK group on campus. If you know me, I may have mentioned my being a TCK/CCK (Third Culture Kid/Cross Culture Kid). I've found that on campus there are actually are a number of us, with those who possibly don't even know that there's a name for the restlessness/out of place-ness they feel. So, if I have time (time's the big issue), I'll try to start it up. I also have great resources to help me (see the link). The thing is, the TCKid.com website have this "local leaders" thing, which can help me out with this, but I'd probably end up being the Wisconsin "local leader" which is a big responsibility, whereas I feel like I could help out more on campus...We'll see.

and last but DEFINATELY not least...

4.) Get closer to God. I feel like I'm not at a place in my life, where I can accept God again. I'd been living too long for myself, having "earthly" fun and it didn't help the loneliness/emptiness I felt inside. So, I'm going to make a good effort into spending more one-on-one time with Him, since I've found a great church and through that a bible study. I just need to spend some quality time with the Lord, to get to know Him, and to let Him into my life more. Pray for me?

I know it's a bit early for a "New Year's Post" but I was just thinking about it...*shrug* Have a happy holidays!

heh.

Yeah, my organic chem exam was 102/200, but my total class score isn't looking too good. I think I may have failed oraganic chemistry. It was a bitch anyway. I took my Chinese exam today, and I've done relatively well in that class (I've gotten no lower than a 90 on my tests/quizzes, and all A's on my homework.), so I'm hoping that it will kind of cover it. o chem=3 credits, Chinese=6 (which is a ridiculous amount anyway, but it tilts the odds in my favor).

Also, before my Chinese exam, I met with an Global Studies advisor-man, because I really REALLY want to work abroad when I graduate. I'm looking at German-speaking countries, and especially trying to find this three-month bible college in Austria that I heard about, with a program in English AND a program in German, which would be awesome. The advisor-man (who was very young, and open minded! nice!) said that a big problem for people who want to go abroad, especially to Europe: A.) have loans (which I thankfully do not have), and B.) Visa issues. The thing is, since I'm a dual citizen with Finland, which is an EU country, I don't have to worry about visas. SWEET. I also talked to him about starting up a TCK group on campus. There are a lot of people dealing with issues that go along with it, without knowing that they're not alone. The advisor-man seemed to be really for it. And he also liked the fact that I'm so multi-lingual, and told me to keep going with Chinese. Though I sometimes wonder why I'm studying it...I don't even like it that much...I mean I do like it, but I don't LOVE it as much as studying German was, or even Finnish..

*snirk* Typing "advisor-man" is fun...

Well, I have an exam on Thursday which I should be studying for, especially if I failed o chem, to get the GPA to go in my favor...Pray for me?