So people seem to think that I'm "out-going" when I don't feel like I am. I was taken aback by this observation of the girls in my Bible Study during our "girl's night."
I tend to be "out-going" when I'm in situations that call for that: parties, get-togethers, interviews... However I spend many-a-night alone, in my room, on purpose...well, sort of. After a long day, there's nothing I like to do more than to chill out, watch some tv/a movie and go to bed (and perhaps a cold beer when I'm eventually of-age to legally do so, 5 months or so from now). It's not that I don't enjoy people's company, I do, but it's just that I haven't found the right company. I don't really have any friends that I can just go to their room to hang out, or call when I'm bored, etc. I do have friends I see occasionally, but if I want to go get coffee with someone, I'm the one who has to initiate it. Always. It's been like this since I can remember. However, I think my lack-of-invitations lately is due to the fact that I'm sort of mid-drift between campus christian groups. I haven't found one where I really feel at home though for me that' s a difficult concept anyway.
I just would like to have people who call me because they want to talk, and invite me to things that I may want to go to; rather than going by myself to everything always, and feeling awkward (though I'm a rather awkward person).
Am I "out-going?" I don't know. I don't like to think I am, but I am when I have to be. I get things done, and I can stand on my own two feet...though I don't want to have to always be alone.
I'm a bit of a conundrum, and I don't know what to do about it. I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. When it's in the Lord's Will for me, then it is, if not? Well, never mind then.
P.S: I'm reading Twilight by Stephanie Meyers (the book with that movie out now), and I'm liking it. He frikkin' glitters. Read the book and you'll understand.
1 comment:
Hey beautiful girl! I've finally gotten to read your blog, sorry it took so long. It's really good though, well written, and you're honest. Sometimes it's so much easier to be honest and open with people on paper than it is to be in person.
I can tell that it's tough right now being kind of in between groups. What Bible study are you involved in this semester? You definitely can be an outgoing person, at least the Laura I know ;) has alot of great stuff to share with the world. Sorry to hear that you're still looking for some solid people in your life, they'll definitely come, end remember that I love you!
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