Many the Miles (4/27/10)

As I write this post, I'm sitting in the basement of my dorm (yes, I still live in the dorms as a Senior, and plan to live in them next semester, even if it is my last), trying to get a head start on my finals-studying. I'm extremely tired, and I have laundry in the drier next door. As I sit here contemplating marketing concepts (guess which class I'm studying for?), I am feeling a bit philosophical. It could be that I'm just utterly exhausted, and I tend to get kind of loopy when I'm tired, but let's just roll with it.

I am graduating in about 8 months. That may not seem like a lot, but it will go by soon.

I'm also trying to get summer employment, which has been nerve-wracking, in order to prepare myself for my possible career. (That's being an ESL –English as a Second Language –Teacher.) The reality of my impending graduation is looming, since I'm going to great lengths to get this particular summer position to get classroom experience, which I am lacking. I'm grateful that they're considering me at all. After all, I just sent them a rather open-ended email a little over a month ago on a whim, and ended up getting an interview, and possibly some classes. The only problem is that it would overlap with my last week of classes and my "finals week" starting next week. That's why I'm trying to get a head-start on studying NOW, while I still have some semblance of time.

I'm also looking at a Summer RA position (not affiliated with the university), for some summer camps at these apartments which the university sometimes uses for housing when the dorms fill up. This RA position includes a room in one of their suites and a meal plan, as well as a stipend. I'd be working 25ish hours a week as an RA, but I'm willing to do so if it means I will have a confirmed place to live over the summer (no subletting problems!). The interview I had with them this morning seemed to go well, the interviewer having liked some of my answers. He seemed to like that if I could be any part of a ship, I would be the crow's nest. *shrug* We used similar questions when my student org interviewed possible officers for next year, last week.

I'll hear about both jobs on Thursday; for the RA position, it may be an offer letter, for the teaching position, my possible class schedule. I'm very anxious about Thursday. Then all will be revealed.

This summer may well help my progression into my chosen field (which doesn't have much to do with my major, oddly enough). Then that leads to my post-graduation plans.

My "plans" are very flexible right now, but I do plan on using a teacher placement service that I have available to me, starting next semester. I'm hoping to get to China or Korea first, but Japan and Taiwan is also a close second. In my Chinese class, I often feeling longing for my beloved Zhong Guo ("zhong" = Middle, "guo" =country, therefore China calls itself "middle country"). I miss the food, the awesome people I met there (many of which are not there anymore), and just how easy it is for me to live there. Being a bit of a "hidden immigrant" in the US, it's a bit tiring to always have to explain that I'm from Finland, and REALLY, I am. Whereas in Asia, I'm obviously foreign, which is such a relief! I'm allowed to make mistakes (in language, etiquette, etc) and it's ok. Here, if I do, people would think I'm strange.

I often don't talk about Finland to my friends here in the USA, because they often can't relate to me, no matter how much they may be want to. Also, some people don't believe me, and yet others think I'm bragging if I do. The boasting issue is a big reason why I don't like to talk about my travels. I've had brilliant* experiences, and I understand that many have not. (*I think how the Brits use "brilliant" is fantastic, so I'm going to try to ingrain it into US culture, heh). I also know that I will continue to have these experiences after graduating (me planning to go abroad and all). It's a fine line to walk, culture-wise.

This post is a bit scatter brained. I think I'll leave my half-awake rantings here.

~Laura

*NOTE: Title of this post comes from the Sara Bareilles song of the same name, which appropriately describes my feelings towards life right now. I highly recommend a listen.

"...Feel the morning (whispers) though a sunny day"

Volbeat: "The Human Instrument"

I can't believe that I'm 21 now. My birthday celebration was great last Saturday, good times with good people! I even made a new friend (a friend of a friend), and it was just fun! Yay for being now fully legal to do pretty much anything in this country, woo.

Oh yeah! My friend couldn't get into the bars (she wasn't 21 yet, but will be in a week and a half), so she called the guy she liked, and now they're officially dating! (he asked her out, it was a really cute story!) The bummer thing is that she was one of my last single friends, so now I'm one of the few that's not in a relationship. It's ok though, I know now's not the best time. Every guy I seem to even remotely like, in the tiniest bit gets a girlfriend. I guess I'm like Chuck in the movie "Good Luck Chuck" except that I don't have to sleep with the person, heh heh. (good movie btw) Besides, I have a feeling that I'm going to marry a foreign guy (that is not American or Finnish, no offense to anybody who IS though), so I have at least that to look forward to. &hearts

I also can't believe that the semester is almost over, but I really can't wait for summer. Why you ask? Well, I'm *hoping to* go to Ruisrock, this big rock festival in Finland. I'm also hopefully going with a friend from the US (studying Finnish, will be in Finland for a summer program) and my second cousin from Canada (who is also really cool). The more I check out the bands, the more I'm excited! I've always wanted to go to one of the many Finnish rock festivals in the summer, and now's (maybe) my chance! Woo! Now it's hard to concentrate, but at least I just bought the Danish band Volbeat's CD, and I'm enjoying it. (one of the songs my dear friend Tiina posted, and I remembered that I liked it!) Plus they're one of the bands that will be there, so that'll tide me over until this summer. I'm so excited!! Woo! /o/ \o\ /o/

Another week.

So I've been (trying to) go the gym every morning. It worked out pretty well last week, and I had planned to go this morning, but I realized that I had forgotten to do a small essay/study for a quiz for today. I pretty much decided to stay home and work on that stuff instead. TOMORROW, I plan on getting up at 6:30am, get to the gym by 7~7:15ish and go on the elliptical/bike for a half an hour or so, and get home. Luckily, I have class at 11am Tuesday-Thursday, though I have class at 9:55am MWF, so I don't have as much of a break between workouts and class then. I'm trying to lose weight, but not because of my body image...well, sort of. I'm just tired of it. I'm tired of trying to hide my flaws, and whine about it. I've also noticed some joints starting to act up. So to put less stress on myself and my joints, I'm going to watch what I eat, work out, take care of myself, etc. It's not that I hate how I look, but I'm just done with it. The Bible says that our bodies are "a temple" so I should take care of it, right? Right.

It seems like I'll be headed for China again for Spring Break. My dad, however, will be in Finland. My mom and I didn't want to go to Finland, seeing as it's crappy that time of year (all gray, muddy, and all around icky), so we decided to go to China by ourselves. There are still some things I haven't seen in the city my dad lives/I lived (like some ancient gardens) and my mom's never been to Shanghai, so we're going to just hang out around there. Now that my Chinese is decent, I can get around a bit easier. I'm kind of excited to go back, mainly because I miss the AMAZING FOOD!! *drools* Some people are nervous, but most Chinese things are cooked (the Japanese like raw things, and even that's not bad, I love it). As long as you have an open mind, you probably won't have a problem. Heck, I've eaten lamb barbecue on the side of the road at 2am, and it was freaking amazing. *sigh*

That's about it. The only reason why I'm writing is because I'm just trying to get out of reading 100 pages of International Business, heh. (I don't HAVE to read it, but I feel like I'm behind in the lectures) Oh yeah, I have to read a few pages in Soil Sciences (one of two Soil Sci departments in the country, I guess). oy.

Oh, and I've also decided that Hedgehogs are incredibly cute. Maybe I'll have one as a pet someday. :D

Upon reading "Blue Like Jazz"

I've just finished reading Donald "Don" Miller's book, Blue Like Jazz. On the cover, it says "Nonreligious thoughts about Christian spirituality," which intrigued me. My friends had all recommended it to me (as well as any other Christian I've spoken to...well most of them.), so I took my Christmas money and bought it.

This book reflects my own "journey" and some of the doubts I've been having. Can I still be "indie"...ish, and still be a Christian? of course. Is loneliness normal? no, it comes from sin. This leads me to a realization which this blog post is about today:

Loneliness.

If you've paid attention to this blog, or know me in general, I've been a bit of a recluse this past semester. (a recluse is someone who shuts his or herself in their room a lot, somebody asked, so I put the definition) Every day I came home from class/other responsibilities, and was just exhausted. What also exhausted me was being around people. I avoided other people, even ignored them, because I thought (as Don Miller put it) "the play was about me." That I was the lead role, and all other people were the supporting actors/actresses. Unimportant. Not Useful to my character development. This is so not true. It's not healthy to be alone so much. I've started chattering to myself a lot, seeing things, imagining things that seem real. Don Miller, having gone through a similar stage, even saw Emily Dickinson when he visited her home. Like actually saw her, though he was going a bit crazy at the time, like I am. I've been craving social interaction. I need to be around other people. I laugh more, am happier, and can grow in my walk with the Lord through others. I'm kind of in a transition phase right now, which was put on pause due to my crazy semester (I changed Bible Studies, am changing campus ministry groups...), but I want no need to get back on track with my social life. It's been getting sad. I've spent my whole winter vacation at my house. I mean C'MON! heh.

So yeah, this post wasn't about anything in general, I guess. Just a realization of how important a social life is. I'm tired of being a recluse.

I've also been trying to lose weight, like for serious. Pray for me?