I know I promised many months ago that I would update several times a week, every week. This has not happened, and I'm not sorry. I wish I could be sorry, but I don't feel like I owe anyone a mundane, sub-par, albeit "foreign" (literally and figuratively) blog entry. It's also the fear of reverting to my teenage, emo blog posts from my livejournal blog back in the day. I also am more careful what I post online, as I understand the repercussions of what I say.
In a nutshell, I'm not sorry I haven't posted, and yet afraid to post because of the fear of dullness.
Though I can hear my friends and family saying, "But you're living ABROAD, which many people don't get to do, and you're afraid of being DULL??" Yes. I am.
Today I watched a TED Talk, which I often like to do to feel enlightened, and managed to come across Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat, Pray, Love, a book that thoroughly moved me) talking about creativity. Particularly about how creative genius works (in her opinion), as the Ancient Greeks and Romans envisioned it, as an otherworldly thing on loan to you from an "unknown source" to enjoy and use. It is a thing apart from yourself, which is often internalized by these artists/creative people that often leads to their ruin (Kurt Cobain, Mozart, Picasso, Ernest Hemingway, etc.). As a Christian, I see this from God's perspective, that this bit of talent/creativity/whatever you want to call it, as a gift from God, and to be cherished. (please forgive the awful grammar of that last sentence!)
It really is an interesting idea. I have aspirations to possibly be a science writer. I had planned on updating this blog on a regular basis to maintain my writing skills (which my mother says are quite good...but being my mother, I don't know if she's just saying that or if it's true.). But yet that hasn't happened.
I think it could be that this transition into my own life, apart from my family and the place I consider "home," has been more difficult than I anticipated. I thought that I could be this adventurous, fabulous woman, traversing the globe in search of amazing things to do and see.
This has not happened, and it's a little troubling. I feel like I haven't lived up to my friends' and family's expectations of me being that globe-trotter.
I also have been finding my health to be not as robust as it has been in the USA. I've gotten several colds, a sinus and ear infection, pink eye, and now I have skin problems on my hands (and face...partly due to a mosquito problem). I have a feeling that my skin problems could be a physical effect of my current feeling of apathy (to put it lightly), but I have no way of knowing.
I need help to get by. I'm currently seeking it out, so no worries, but I reflect onto what Elizabeth Gilbert said. That my creativity (which I've been craving) is not to be internalized, but to be recognized as a gift from God, and to use it for what I need it for.
So, in that, I'm hoping to update this blog more (I'm pretty sure I said that last time too). If not to update my friends and family about the goings on in my head, but also to have some sort of a creative outlet, which may be just the thing I need to survive here in Korea.
In conclusion, here's the Elizabeth Gilbert talk. I highly recommend you watch it.